I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
