She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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