Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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