wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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