If that was your dad, he is hot
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
