My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Randomize