I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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