no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
