Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
