There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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