what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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