thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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