Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
