It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
