I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
