dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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