I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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