Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
