Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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