is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
