The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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