Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
