I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
