bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
