you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
