I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I am midnight drunk by noon
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
