Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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