So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
people are starting to question the shark bite story
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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