didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
