That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Randomize
