no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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