my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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