be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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