apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
