Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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