Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
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