So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
