I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
i believe in u and ur pee
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
