I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Randomize
