I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
