This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
