If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
