His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I think your dad took our porno
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
