I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
