Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
