Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
