Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
