If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
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