Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize