She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize