Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize