the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
