What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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