Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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