I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Mom said you looked used
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
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