And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
