youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
