i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I just want nice things and good sex
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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