She said her name was "party"
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
