so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
