I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
