You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
