I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
