Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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