Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
