Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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